The Light

Why are there always pictures of happy people on the covers of nursing home brochures?  That’s not what the residents typically look like….. at least not in my experience.  My father is in a Skilled Nursing home right now for rehab after a recent hospital stay.  My father, as I mentioned in my reason for my ‘Experimenting with Gratitude’, has Alzheimer’s.  A few months ago, he had pneumonia.  He only has one kidney, can’t empty his bladder on his own, and therefore, has a foley catheter inserted at all times.  His short term memory is gone and his long term memory has also dwindled to near nothing.  He has no quality of life.  How would anyone expect him to look like the faces on the brochure covers? 

I visit him every day.  Not because he remembers who I am (on any given day, he might think I’m his daughter, sister, wife, friend) but because I remember who he is…..or at least was.  My father was a hard working man who believed his family was his most prized asset in the world.  He spoke three languages fluently, and now he utters one word replies. 

He has lost connection with most of his world.  But, through my caring for him for the last three years, we’ve developed a strong bond.  Even when I have a bad day, I fake it for his sake.  I leave my troubles at the door and greet him with a smile and a hug.  Some days, we don’t use words and just communicate with our eyes, a touch of the arm, a kiss on his forehead, or a pat on his hand.  He knows I understand him because I reassure him every day that “we’re a team”.  He believes me.  And that makes all of the difference.  Even when he has a good day, he doesn’t look like the brochure covers.

I know my father and I see him light up.  And, that is what keeps me going. 

I relayed this experience to a friend and he replied, “Your father does not ‘light up’ when he sees you.  He reflects the light you bring.” 

This was by far one of the greatest compliments I could have received.  This sentiment will stay with me always.  For that, and for the time with my father, I am grateful!